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by Beverly Shippey
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"Show, don't tell."
These three words struck me as being in some kind of code when I first heard them when I began to write fiction, many years ago. What did they mean? Show, don't tell. Wasn't I supposed to be a story-Teller? Not a story-shower, for gosh's sake. But I was too proud, or too ignorant, to ask. So I tried to look it up, to see what it meant. Show, don't tell. It was in all the writing books. Yet no one went to any lengths to explain it. Well, hold on now, ladies. It's Showtime! I'm going to try to reveal the secrets of showing and hopefully, by the end of this presentation each of you will know how to show, not tell. Why do we need to show? First of all, because we want our characters to come alive. This is the duty of every author: to suspend disbelief by enhancing the characters and showing their motivation. Along with that goes action, and naturally, reaction must follow. Showing is making the reader see what you want them to see. It's also your obligation as a writer to turn everything you know about writing to bring life to the page, make your characters come alive, by using movements, prose rhythms and inner knowledge of your characters to show action by way of dialogue, detail and language that is distinctly yours. There are several ways of showing: dialogue, incident and anecdote. I think we can all agree that dialogue is by far the best way of showing, and I won't argue that point. Although I won't be going into detail on dialogue, one of the things to remember about writing it is to know how your character will sound. And how do you learn this? By listening. Listen to the way people speak, their speech patterns, the ebb and flow of speech, then translate this into written dialogue. Then ask yourself: does this sound the way I've pictured this character? Does it tell the reader about the character? Does it advance the scene? Is he or she saying too much? Too little? You don't need every hem and haw in dialogue. It seldom is as complicated as regular speech because we can leave out the garbage and get to the essentials. So while dialogue is one of the best ways of showing, there are other means, too. We all want our characters to jump off the page, grab the reader's interest and hold it until the end of the book. In order to do this, we need action, including body movements. And if we have action, then we must have RE-action. In proper sequence, with the action coming first, then the reaction. And at the same time we must be able to make this character come alive for the reader. Sounds nearly impossible, doesn't it? Would it surprise you to know that even the most experienced author sometimes has a problem knowing exactly when she is using artful narrative, or when she's showing? How many times have you written a scene, been sure you've shown the action, then have a friend or critiquer tell you, "you should show, not tell"? You look at the scene, questioning whether this nut who's read it is right or not, and can't see where you've gone wrong. It's right there, you swear. And sometimes it is, and that same "nut" just didn't understand you. But if she didn't understand you, and you're sure that person has some knowledge of writing, then chances are you have goofed in some way to make it unclear to her. OR you may have used artful narrative, a skill some beginning writers haven't yet acquired. Which is a way of saying that you've shown action by bringing life to the character and his or her motivation through narrative. Did the scene move the story forward? All I can say, if you are positive you are right on this point, and your critiquer may not have been writing as long as you have or you suspect that she's just plain wrong, is to throw the critique away and go ahead and leave it the way it is. Chances are you've used artful narrative. Which I will try to explain later on. We are all at somewhat of a disadvantage in showing, because in writing both showing and telling are done with words. We have no way of visually demonstrating a situation, character or action by any other means. It is not like Show and Tell in school, where a child brings in a pet, a plant or a puppet, something that can be handled and seen by others. Instead we must bring a situation alive through words and there are times when even the most experienced writer will believe they are showing only to have someone else read what they've written and say, "you're telling, not showing", which adds to the frustration. So one way to handle this is through demonstration. This isn't as easy as it sounds, because each writer has a different style. So you must call upon all your resources to demonstrate that situation, person or setting without a visual aid or gesture of any kind. So we must use whatever we've learned in writing to do this. There are no rules, no guidebook to follow, to make this happen. We must resort to using all the tricks of the trade. Before a writer can show a scene, that scene must be vivid in her own mind. I've heard some authors say they visualize the entire scene or chapter in their mind by closing their eyes and picturing it like a videotape. I don't recall that I close mine, but I do know I see the scene, know pretty much of what is going to go into it before I can sit and write it. I see them move, hear them speak, note any mannerisms they may have, then translate it, as best I can, into words. So what I am doing is actually demonstrating it in my mind. So let's try demonstration. What I am going to do now is take a couple of characters, give them a few words of dialogue, and set them in different scenes, hoping that they will come alive for you, as the reader. Notice I say "I'm hoping", because maybe many of you can write better than I, but I'll try my best. I'll use the same character names and those same nine words of dialogue throughout, but see if you can SEE these people and HEAR them speak, as well as the action in each sequence. I'll use active verbs and keep in active voice, which is essential in showing, as well. (If I succeed, hold your applause. Throw money. I'm on a fixed income and I need it.) We will start with straight narrative. Straight narrative: Clarisse told Burt she didn't like the fellow and when he asked why not she replied that he looked sneaky. That tells it all, but it is dull. No action, no movement, no characterization or motivation. We can put this into simple dialogue by writing: "I don't like him," she said. "Why not?" he asked. "He looks sneaky," she replied. That still doesn't quite cut it, does it? This would read better by revising it to: "I don't like him." Clarisse slammed the door. Bert jerked upwards to stare at her, and he dropped the pamphlet he'd been reading. She's in a mood again, he thought. "Why not?" he adjusted his glasses and sighed. Clarisse glowered at him. "He looks sneaky." Here we have action. Clarisse slammed the door. That's an action. Burt jerked upwards, then dropped the pamphlet, has an inner thought, speaks, adjusts his glasses and sighs. --More movements. Those are reactions. We have a better idea of the characters now. Clarisse is demonstrating anger or disgust and Bert is first startled, then patient. We also know we are in Bert's pov. Then Clarisse glowered at him. Her reaction to his action--anger. We're beginning to know the characters and they are coming to life. She is hot-tempered, he is patient. The reader now knows something about them. We have SHOWN, not told. Be aware of all the senses when you start. That means you want your reader to see, hear, smell, taste, feel along with the characters. And when you are using the senses, this is a good time to use the simile or metaphor. So let's carry these nine words of dialogue a little further, in an effort to SHOW how effective we can make it. "I don't like him." Clarisse lifted her hair off her neck and stretched her arms. She draped her long chiffon scarf around Bert's neck, letting it slither through her fingers while she drew the ends toward her. Her musky scent surrounded him like a fragrant mist. Her luscious lips looked like ripe strawberries and he wondered if they'd taste as sweet. She tightened the ends of the scarf, drawing him closer. "Why not?" he asked, his voice husky, his eyes hooded with desire. Clarise put her hand on his chest, feeling the pulse beating inside--a wild tango rhythm. "He looks. . .sneaky," she murmured, letting the tip of her tongue moisten his earlobe. Here we have some body movement, with Clarisse moving her arms, letting the chiffon scarf go around Bert's neck, and have her draw him closer. Then the senses, with her scent, her lips like strawberries--use of a simile--the sense of taste. And then she feels his heart beating,--and another simile--and finally her tongue moistening his earlobe. So we have action, reaction along with a degree of motivation on Clarisse's part--seduction. And some insight into her character. Another demonstration might read: Clarisse got two long neck bottles of beer out of the fridge and shuffled into the den, her furry slippers slapping across the cracked linoleum floor. She handed one of the bottles to Bert. He took it and stuck his feet up on the coffee table, knocking off some of the newspapers that cluttered its surface. Twisting the cap off, he tossed it to one side, letting it roll to the floor. He gulped down a healthy swig, scratched his chest under his sweat-stained tee shirt, then burped contentedly. Clarisse plopped down beside Bert on the sofa, tossed her bottle cap aside to join his, then looked at the picture on the TV. "I don't like him," she said, waving her hand in the direction of the character on the screen. "Why not?" Bert thumbed the remote control button as though undecided as to whether to change the channel. "He looks sneaky," Clarisse frowned. She'd draped her arm across Bert's belly and felt the laughter start, as it always did, right in that big beer belly. It'd gurgle its way up to his throat, then burst into a gleeful wet spray. She giggled and nudged him with her elbow. Again, through description, we've got Clarisse moving, getting the beers, giving the reader an indication of both her and Bert's characters as well as the place where they live. The cracked linoleum, the cluttered coffee table, the long neck bottles, Bert's burp, and so on. A far cry from the seductive Clarisse in the earlier scene. But I think you can see them, begin to know them, whether you like them or not. Do they evoke some kind of response from you? They do me. We can show by using active first person narrative, as well. Using these same two characters and going back to the first demonstration we can show like this: I told Bert I didn't like the fellow, expecting he'd agree, or say something. But, as usual, Bert won't ever say anything that makes a statement. No, he just sits there, looking patient, like some damned martyr, and asks me why not. Stupid question. Why not, that's it. Nothing else. And he picks up his book like I hadn't even said a word, and he sighed, like he's being tortured. So I told him the fellow looks sneaky. That didn't get me anywhere. Just once, I wish he'd listen to me. Or, from Bert's pov. Clarisse doesn't like anyone. Not even that poor fellow who came to the door to try to do us a favor, for Pete's sake. No, she has to say she doesn't like him, and when I ask why, trying to understand, all she does is say he looks sneaky. Sneaky. Hell, he didn't look sneaky to me. Seemed like a nice guy. So here we have their inner thoughts that still show a degree of action, along with more characterization. And they are letting us know how they feel. Visualize the scene in your mind before attempting to write it. When you can see the scene, proceed to write. Here are a few guidelines to follow: When you are showing, try to ask yourself some questions. What is my character doing to express him or herself? Is there movement? Action -- reaction? Is there enough action to get the other character's interest? Will this get the reader's attention? Is it clear to the reader? Have I done it through showing? Through telling? What can I do to heighten the drama or humor of the situation? Have I made it as good as I can? What can I do to enhance what is on the page? Do I need to tighten or compress what I have? Intensify the action? Nothing is engraved in stone. You can go back and revise, rewrite, make it better than it was. Avoid a lot of detail. Keep to essential facts. Identify your characters and try to make them believable. Above all, KEEP WRITING! Copyright (c) 1997, Beverly Shippey Author permission required before copying any part of this article. Visit Beverly Shippey at http://members.aol.com/bevshippey/index.html |